Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Retirement or Change Part Two

To say I'm getting a bit anxious is an understatement--or maybe it's the four cups of coffee I had this morning.
Whatever it is, I am feeling some twinges about being unemployed. I won't be one of "the very poor". I won't be living in the PT Cruiser and dining on cat food. My lifestyle won't change that much. My work-style will.

From 1968 onward I've worked full time, with breaks for childbirth and various surgeries. Notice I said childbirth, not rearing. I was the major support in the family and after the baby I needed to get back to work--quickly. In fact it was so fast the obstetrician was concerned about me --I'd had a C-section.

After my daughter was born I came to resent my job--I had to leave her to go to it. I worked evenings in the local hospital when she was an infant, so my family life was one day a week and every other weekend. I worked most holidays for the extra money. I really didn't want to advance--to become a head nurse or a supervisor--even though I was offered both positions. I wanted to be home with my little girl. I had to swallow the disappointment and walk from our small apartment to the hospital every afternoon--and back home at night.

Eventually, as Heather began elementary school, I got a job on the day shift and then with the visiting nurses. But by then I'd decided to pursue my degree.  When she was six I was working a full time job, going to college at least one evening a week, volunteering for the PTA and the Cancer Society, and working as a private duty nurse at least one night on the weekend. I was on the working-mother treadmill and I was getting used to the pace.

I stopped seeking a degree with the divorce--lack of money and someone to watch Heather at night. I also stopped the private duty work. Money was tight with no child support but we made it.
After a few years I decided I wanted to go back to my dream of being a writer and I took an adult ed class at the community college--a class on writing your first novel.
And so I embarked on another second job--one that I continue to this day.

In the last decade I've been the Director of Quality Improvement and then Vice President of Nursing of a long term care management company. Even as I got older I still found myself on that treadmill. Not with school, since a degree wouldn't get me any further than I already was. Not as a mother--Heather was grown and on her own. But with job increased responsibility and worry.

Soon I'll be stopping that treadmill. It won't come to a dead stop--I'll be working two days a week for a month. But it will be stopping.

And already I can see myself filling in the spaces with writing and building my writer's platform.

But I still have the twinges.
Twinges of change and going into the unknown.

Friday, February 03, 2012


I've been thinking about "change" a lot lately - not the stuff in the bottom of my purse either. This is major change - major changes. It (the thinking) began when I decided to switch to the Facebook Timeline instead of waiting for it to be thrust upon me. I mentioned on said Facebook that the older I got the less I liked change. Someone commented that "change is good". well, no - not all change is good, of course. But some changes are...many are...

So I'm thinking about "change" or the "changes" in my life that are coming at me fast and furious:

1. I'm retiring from a profession I've had for more than 40 years.
2. I'm retiring from a company I've been with for more than 22 years.
3. The company is being sold and is going through its own changes.
4. I'm marrying a man I adore after being single for more than 30 years.
5. I'm moving away from the area I've known for 47 years.

I'm going to do what I've always wanted to do...write. And now with the changes in the publishing industry, Morgan (also a writer) and I decided to form an LLC and "work" at our writing. Wolf Howl Publishing is our brand-spanking new company. It will just be the two of us for now. We'll be Indie Authors getting our books out there...to see if anyone reads them.

And so these changes are many and fun and scary and...good.