Wednesday, December 29, 2004

The International Bank of Karma

I wonder if there is one.
I mean karma is whatever you send out to the universe is what you receive, right?
Isn't it time for me to be receiving?
Here are my deposits:
1. I didn't give my parents any grief - nothing. I was the good girl and even went to the nursing school of their choice, not mine. I went 200 miles away from home - where they wanted me to go. Hmmm? Now that I think of it, maybe they were trying to distance themselves from their fat daughter. Another blog subject all together.
2. I was (am) a good nurse - maybe even a very good nurse - compassionate, caring, professional - even though I hate being a nurse, I am a good one.
3. I took care of my mother-in-law (who didn't like me and made no bones about it) when she was dying of cancer. It was even MY idea to take her with us to Disney World when Heather was five.
4. I didn't drag my ex through court for child support.
5. I bought Christmas presents for him to give our daughter - even when he spent all of his money on his nephews instead of her.
6. I supported (and still do to some extent) my daughter alone - no other means of financial or emotional support.
7. I took care of my fiance while he waited for a heart transplant - and hands-on care of him while he was in the cardiac care unit of U of P Hospital
8. I took care - hands-on care - of my mother when she was dying of cancer.
9. I was the only one who routinely visited our widowed father until his death and I was with him when he died.
10. I love completely - and evidently, not wisely.
11. I do "little" things, like shoveling a sidewalk, cleaning off a neighbor's car, looking in on a neighbor's dying sister.
12. I donate to charities. I give cat and dog food to the local SPCA. I donate to the Wolf Preserve. I've volunteered for the Alzheimer's Association, the Heart Association and the Cancer Society.

I'm sure there are other instances of good karma that I'm missing - but those are the highlights - the major deposits.

But now that I think of it, maybe the Universe has been making withdrawals in my name all along. I'm relatively cancer-free (after two bouts of thyroid cancer and at this moment). I haven't been killed on the turnpike going to Pittsburgh. I haven't been in a fire and a piano hasn't fallen on me. Maybe those positives are all part of my withdrawals - of course, without my signature, it seems.

I just want one more thing from the Universe - I think I have enough good karma left to get it.
I want someone who loves me for me - not for my salary, not for what he wants me to be if I lose weight - just me. Chubby, stretched-marked old me.

One more withdrawal, please.


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