Christmas Eve - 2004

I am really trying this year. Really.

Last night I even had a glass of wine while I wrapped presents for Pattie and Gary. I watched Reginald Owen play Scrooge for the umpteenth time. I did so many Christmasy things trying to get my heart into it. But I just have to resign myself to a "different" Christmas this year - not a "bad" one - just a different one.

With that in mind I've decided to go to church tonight. Whoa! The witch is going to church? I'm going to the Universalist Unitarian Church on Center Street in Bethlehem. When Frank lived across from it, he called it "The Church of What's Happening Now." Good Catholic that he is. I call it universal - hence, the Universalist name. The Unitarian church welcomes us pagans because they hold to no doctrine other than we are all creatures of God/Goddess/Mother Earth/Father Sky.

I'm going because I feel the need for ritual - larger than I can do tonight. Church service is no more, no less, than a ritual.

I'm going because I need to take another step forward - to do something different.

I'm going alone.

Such is this Christmas and maybe many more to come - maybe all of them to come. I need to find my path in that future.