Sunday, June 12, 2005

Two Weddings - No Funeral

I've been to two weddings in the last month - my nephew's and a friend's.

My nephew's wedding was about two years in the planning and execution. My friend planned hers in less than four months. One was very traditional with a young bride in a white gown. One was simple with an older bride in a white gown. Very different weddings with the same outcome - what was once two had become one. Or so we are to believe.

I attended each alone.

This is not a post complaining about being a woman alone. In fact this is quite the opposite.

I cried at both weddings - at the first because I remembered the groom in diapers and at the second because I remembered the bride as a struggling single mom. I did not cry because it wasn't me standing at the altar. That was one of the things I was celebrating. My nephew's life has drastically changed - so has my friend's.

Two weeks ago I bought a new car. Alone. I was the only one to sign the papers. I had to ask no one's advice. I had already made up my mind about what I wanted. I knew I could afford it. So I bought it.

Today was a much simpler purchase - a new chair for my home office. I saw it was on sale - almost $50 off. It even had a massage unti. What could be better? Someone to put it together and carry the old one out to the trash? Nope - not needed. The new chair came assembled and the new car was perfect for transporting it. I carried the old chair out and the new chair in - me, alone.

I've been doing things like that for more than 20 years now. I don't see that changing - maybe ever. I had seriously considered it a year ago and then, well - things changed.

It would take a lot - a lot - a lot - maybe not enough in this world - to make me consider it again.
I remember the feeling of that rug being pulled out from under me. Nope - don't wanna go through THAT again.

I'll pay to have something assmembled and even delivered if necessary. It's worth that to know that ALL decisions are MINE alone - even the decision to live alone.


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