Thursday, February 07, 2008

Nurse or a Purse

Several years after Mark and I'm still alone. In the twenty-six years since my divorce, this is the longest time I've been without a man in my life.
There are pros and cons and I have to say that the pros outweigh the cons.

For example: Yesterday I was tired to the bone, dragging. I'd driven back and forth to the Lancaster area two days in a row and finally driving back to the office in a deluge that followed me. I got to the office at 1 and was handed a message from one of the buildings and a folder full of mail and faxes. I had yet to eat my lunch. The afternoon was long and tortuous with problems and phone calls. The last thing I needed when I walked into my apartment was a man who needed comfort - the last thing I've ever received from most of the men in my life was comfort when I needed it.

If I want cereal for supper, I can have cereal for supper. If I want peace and quiet, I have it - and lately I crave it and crave the solitude of my apartment after a long and busy day at work. Most of the time I would even rather be at home on the weekends, reading and writing.

When I get home at night the ONLY things I HAVE to do is feed the cats and take my pills. I can even sleep in my clothes - and sometimes I've been so exhausted, I've fallen asleep on the sofa at 6 only to get up later to undress and go to bed.

Someone once said that after the age of 50, a man is looking for a nurse or a purse.
Unfortunately I'm both. I'm a nurse with a good job. I've always been that - with all the men who've wandered in and out of my life. I'm sure everyone of them has looked at me and thought, "Well, she'll always have a job." Not one has ever said, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

Yep - sure is nice to come home to cats.


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