Monday, September 15, 2008


Packed boxes are stacked all over my living room. I get the key to my new apartment Friday, so I can start moving some of the small stuff in and do some more packing - mostly books - and many of those books may go to the library for their sale.

As I look at all the things I've accumulated over a lifetime, I'm beginning to throw out (as in dumpster) more stuff - much more stuff. In throwing out "stuff", I'm also throwing out the negative feelings of lost loves, friends who betrayed and illnesses lived through.

This move is symbolic in several ways. As I slowly move further away from "my life" in Easton and toward a new life 3000 miles away, I realize how important this first move is - not just in downsizing belongings, but in downsizing that "life". Psychologists call it disengaging. I'm disengaging slowly - from giving up a bag of books to giving up volunteering.

I feel as if I could live in an RV - cats, computer, clothes - and books (only a few at a time) - and travel the country, writing about what I see.

I've discovered that while doing this disengaging, I'm making other connections - 3000 miles away. Each time I visit Heather in Everett, I feel more and more as if I'm "coming home". There's beginning to be more for me there than for me here. And that could be a conscious or subconscious disconnecting - but whatever, it's happening. If there was once something (someone) to hold me here, there is no longer. I feel free to follow some dreams.

I can tell it by my nighttime dreams - I see the Cascades in my dreams. I hear seagulls in my dreams.

A journey of 1000 miles (or 3000 miles), begins with a single step (or 15 miles).


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