Things Do Change Quickly
I was at a writers' conference all weekend and some great things happened. Just through serendipity and without any real planning, an editor requested two partials and an agent requested one. The editor from Warner Books was very positive about my pitches ( I was brazen and pitched three) and said I needed an agent. I just happened to be talking to someone about my great editor's appointment, when a young woman nearby "I'm an agent - send me two chapters." Like I said serendipity.
And this afternoon I broke up with my long term (5+ years) boyfriend. You know when your gut tells you that all is not well within a relationship. Well, I had that and I had to go with my gut - why prolong it? I asked him if he wanted to break it off with me and there was dead silence (we were talking on the phone). "Well, I guess that's my answer." And that was that. Maybe he'll call or email - maybe he won't. Last December it was "we should probably move in together." Then, when I developed severe back problems and was looking at possible disability, the talk of moving in together dropped. Hmmmm? I wonder why. The back pain is better and disability is a long way off, I hope - but the relationship? Who knows. I just know that I will not ever be used for my money-making, "she's-a-nurse-she'll-always-have-a-job" crap. Never again. I'm not sure if that was the reason (or if I even want to know the reason: I have enough ego problems). Maybe it's the witchy thing. If so, so be it. That's me - circles, grounding, journeying, meditating, goddesses, magik, drumming,candles, dragons and all. I've worked too hard to be the person I am today - this is who I am.
Maybe I expect too much. I know how it feels to be loved well.
I remember when my fiance, Rich, became so ill with end-stage cardiac disease and he was unable to make love. During one hospitalization I wheeled him into the private shower. He was sitting on a special shower chair. I got down on my knees in the shower room to wash his feet and legs. He patted my hair and said, "I don't know why you stay with me?" I looked up at him: "Where else could I be?" Once we alone were in a waiting room at the Hospital of the University of PA; we were talking and barely noticed that the transplant coordinator had opened the door. She waited a few seconds and then told us the doctor was ready to see us (I always went to the hospital with him - he couldn't drive). Later the coordinator pulled me aside and said, "You two are really in love. I could see that. I hope a heart comes soon." It didn't.
But life is a series of changes and how we handle those changes is how we live our lives. I intend to handle this. Just give me some time and understand if I tear up a bit every so often. There's not too many guys out there who want a 57 year old chubby witch. Or . . .maybe there is. ;-)
I've done well on my own for the last 23 years; maybe I have at least another 23.
The Witch is In!
And this afternoon I broke up with my long term (5+ years) boyfriend. You know when your gut tells you that all is not well within a relationship. Well, I had that and I had to go with my gut - why prolong it? I asked him if he wanted to break it off with me and there was dead silence (we were talking on the phone). "Well, I guess that's my answer." And that was that. Maybe he'll call or email - maybe he won't. Last December it was "we should probably move in together." Then, when I developed severe back problems and was looking at possible disability, the talk of moving in together dropped. Hmmmm? I wonder why. The back pain is better and disability is a long way off, I hope - but the relationship? Who knows. I just know that I will not ever be used for my money-making, "she's-a-nurse-she'll-always-have-a-job" crap. Never again. I'm not sure if that was the reason (or if I even want to know the reason: I have enough ego problems). Maybe it's the witchy thing. If so, so be it. That's me - circles, grounding, journeying, meditating, goddesses, magik, drumming,candles, dragons and all. I've worked too hard to be the person I am today - this is who I am.
Maybe I expect too much. I know how it feels to be loved well.
I remember when my fiance, Rich, became so ill with end-stage cardiac disease and he was unable to make love. During one hospitalization I wheeled him into the private shower. He was sitting on a special shower chair. I got down on my knees in the shower room to wash his feet and legs. He patted my hair and said, "I don't know why you stay with me?" I looked up at him: "Where else could I be?" Once we alone were in a waiting room at the Hospital of the University of PA; we were talking and barely noticed that the transplant coordinator had opened the door. She waited a few seconds and then told us the doctor was ready to see us (I always went to the hospital with him - he couldn't drive). Later the coordinator pulled me aside and said, "You two are really in love. I could see that. I hope a heart comes soon." It didn't.
But life is a series of changes and how we handle those changes is how we live our lives. I intend to handle this. Just give me some time and understand if I tear up a bit every so often. There's not too many guys out there who want a 57 year old chubby witch. Or . . .maybe there is. ;-)
I've done well on my own for the last 23 years; maybe I have at least another 23.
The Witch is In!
posted by Mitzi at Monday, October 11, 2004
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home